Some New Beginnings….not for others

It’s the second day of the New Year and Blend is as miserable as ever. He bought a bottle of champagne to bring in the New Year, we thought for the family to have a toast, but indeed it was all for himself. And during the day on January 1, he was actually insulted because he got left out on a salad the girls made for lunch. No one had seen him all morning. He hibernates upstairs in a bedroom off from the rest of the house. It’s weird but at the same time we like it because when he is around it’s uncomfortable. He has distanced himself from the three of us for so long (8 years or better) that having him around he’s as uncomfortable as we are. It’s sad really. Sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for him, until he shows his ass yet again, then one realizes quickly, why this man has not but a single friend in the world…and that’s only because that friend has never been around him on a daily basis to really experience what this one is all about….misery.

Misery — wow, that just struck me — “misery loves company”. There you go in a nut shell. That partially explains why Blend desperately seeks women, hoards of them, anyone, everyone. Because misery loves company! I feel sorry for those women who fall his victims.

So here we are in a year of many changes. Good, rewarding, exciting and some sad. The sad ones are for him mostly. The exciting, rewarding etc. are for the girls and me! Graduation, off to college, divorce and moving back to where my roots are. He has no idea where he will go or what he will do, here we are back at 3 years ago. Hey — didn’t we do this before? Yes indeed. BUT, and I say but strongly, this time we are all going through with it. His coming here and refusing to continue the sex addiction therapy has had a huge affect on not only him, because he doesn’t stop hunting (and never will), but if I have not learned by now, then I am equally sick as he. YES friends, I have learned. It is now to the point that he makes me completely sick. He is no longer attractive in any manner by any stretch of the means. He wanted me to give him another chance, but more of what he succeeded in is making me realize I have wasted so much on him, and he has never been worth it.

That brings me back to a time when we had been out west for a few years when friends (a couple) we were close to while living in the NE came to visit. I felt so honored to have them stop through and spend a night with us. Two days and a night of visiting, sharing and laughing with them was great. Blend was gone at times and when around he was a little embittered. He was pissed that they were spending such a short time with us. They had family nearby in another western state they had not seen for quite some time. Not to mention this was their first trip to see the southwest and they were understandably (for normal people anyway) trying to take advantage of of every stretch of the journey. I was thrilled they included us in the adventure and Blend was annoyed they weren’t giving enough to us. I was so embarrassed at Blends behavior, yet AGAIN! This couple grew up with Blend. The man, Arthur had been in Blend’s neighborhood as a kid. Deeva and I hit it off great with our artsy backgrounds and love of old things and organic living. Upon departure Arthur saw an opportunity to speak with me privately. He is a tall, strapping man. Quiet, philosophical and charming. Arthur hugged me good bye and I have never forgotten his gentle, smooth voice as he held my shoulders in his large hands, “I have no idea how you live with him, he’s ridiculous and you deserve a medal; you deserve better”. Words often said in jest, but from Arthur, the look on his face, wisdom, concern, compassion — he meant it from his deepest inner feelings…and I understood that!

As I stood outside waving goodbye with sadness seeing them go and I knowing that would be the last time I would ever see Arthur and Deeva again. They never want to visit Blend after experiencing his poor hosting. I remain in contact with them throughout the years and someday I hope to tour the NE with the girls and this is one incredibly delightful couple I will not miss and would like for my daughters to meet.

So as Blend walked around the house on the first day of the new year mumbling and having mood swings throughout the day, feeling like no one respects him (and most likely he is correct), all I can feel is a sense of relief. The final count down….to freedom. May God be with us all.