Let’s see how things change!

Yesterday Blend decided to announce a family meeting. It occurred to me as I write this, there isn’t a family in this house and that became quite apparent in the conversation.

I should explain first that Blend does not blend. That’s the purpose of the name (which obviously is not his birth given name). This guy no more blends in than water does with oil. Therefore let me say that over time he has developed a pattern of seclusion from the rest of us. His behavior is such that he does not want to be around us nor we him, by his own design. Although he would not agree nor realize, this pattern has been developing for many years. It began to be exceptionally noticeable about 12-13 years ago. Blend failed to show up at a family dinner party in our own home. He was over 6 hours late. His mother, grandmother and the mother’s companion were visiting from the East, as well as local close friends and family attended. It was quite embarrassing.

Gradually over the years it has become more and more noticeable that Blend is not comfortable in large group situations, regardless of the relationships or not. He thinks others are talking about him, or ignoring him on purpose, etc.; you get the picture. It’s the paranoid Bipolar behavior. Now he lives upstairs in a bedroom dispatched from the rest of the house. He spends the majority of his time there. He takes his phone calls, texting, meals and etc. there. He rents movies and does not share, he rarely if ever helps cleaning any other part of the house, having the attitude that that room is his only responsibility. He empties garbage form the kitchen and mows the lawn.

So, back to the story — the girls have turned 18 and one decided she wants to get a small tattoo on her foot, dedicated to her deceased brother. She came to me and we discussed it. At 18 there is nothing I can do to prevent it, so therefore felt this was good, I could help with the design and keeping it dignified. She knocked on her Dad’s door (it was locked so she could not call up the stairwell for him) to let him know we were going out but he did not answer. We left and shopped for the right place to perform the tattooing, worked on the small 3.5″ script to go along the side of her foot, and planned to leave by 11:30 yesterday morning. Yesterday morning we three girls got dressed and while preparing for the appointment Blend asked what we were doing. I told him (because I typically do not lie) the truth. He didn’t freak about the tattoo but rather that HE was left out (also typical) of the loop. I asked if he wanted to go and his response was “why, it wasn’t planned for me to go to start with”, and he proceeded to gallop around the house mumbling — my response, “this behavior is exactly why you weren’t invited” (more often than not he makes things very uncomfortable). Among his gallops he pops in our rooms and tells us he wants a family meeting before we go.

The girls are good hearted people and do not like to hurt peoples feelings deliberately. However, when backed against the wall be prepared for honesty, regardless.

Blend told us: I apologize for how this family is. Your mom and I not getting along and the situation we have created. I am very upset how everyone treats me. I am treated like and outsider and I don’t like it. I am never included or consulted for anything (this is the man that has rented 3 moves in a two day period and not shared the fact he even has them and took them back without offering for anyone else to watch them and the rest of us are downstairs watching a regular TV program or running errands getting groceries etc.) The girls chimed right in; telling him how he spends all his time upstairs avoiding everyone, he locks his door while up there and doesn’t answer if they knock, and they refuse to text or call their parent on the phone while he is in the same house!! (he loves texting us crap while in the same house…very annoying) After they got done he threw his hands up and said, well you know how I fell so lets see if things change. I said, well exactly what does that mean, things change how? You, us or both? I honestly can not remember what he said in reply. Because I can tell you, he wants us to baby him, go out of our way to GET him, WE have to work to INCLUDE him. How do I know this? He spent most of the rest of the day and last night in that room upstairs.

At one point he came down and asked the girls if they had seen a movie (I knew form the debits he had checked out a bunch of movies over a=the past two days). He never offered up a movie to them thought. I chimed in — you have been watching a bunch of movies the past few days, what are they? His only reply was that he had returned them already. So the girls and I settled on the sofas late yesterday afternoon to watch TV (nothing else to do) and he pops down and asks if we want to watch a movie he has, so we did. As soon as it was over he went back upstairs.

As I type this and even read it — it all sounds petty. In a sense it is. But, you have to understand this is a daily thing. There is always drama with him. He has two family members: his Mom and one brother, and one “what you can call” a friend, in the world. He has succeeded in alienating everyone who crosses his path (except his female chat, text and hook-up playmates, but that’s another story). He has his mom, one brother (out of 3) and one friend in another state (who has not seen him more often than once every 6 months, if that, while living close, and otherwise only talks occasionally and texts one another). The way he alienates them is by behavior. Sometimes not even seen by them but displayed at home and he cuts them off with no explanation to them. Then others, like neighbors, my family and friends he displays his butt to the point, they stay away. Most of which I and the girls remain in touch and friends with, but we never do anything together with them, with him included.

Blend has a constant need for acceptance, inclusion, and want. He expects it to be displayed to him, but had no idea how to show them himself. Over the years at the girls school functions he would come home and complain about every father there and some mothers. This one would not even look at me, that one never shakes my hand, this one talks down to me, he ignores me, he walks right past me, she has her nose in the air, she always looks funny at me, she’s a snob, they were talking about me. Maybe they were or are, but most people don’t take it personally. Blend takes everything to mean it strictly about him. It’s exhausting! It’s frustrating and it’s sad because 25 years of hearing this about, his family, people he grew up with, his home town, his co-workers, bosses, my family, neighbors, and not being able to convince him to get help — has fried me and many around him. I give up. It’s too hard to continue to live with someone who 1) is negative about everything, 2) NEEDS so much attention dedicated to him.

I sit here and laugh as I get up and continue with my day . . . from the mouth of Blend “let’s see how things change”.