Bipolar Tendencies
It’s been a stressful weekend. If you read my last post made early yesterday morning, you know Blend had a family meeting and then made the statement “let’s see how things change”. They changed alright but not for the good. His bipolar behavior kicked in big time.
The girls had Eucharist Minister duty at school yesterday from noon until 4PM. I awoke early and began to finish the Netflix movie I had started the night before when Blend offered up his movie the night. I was in and out making breakfast for the girls, ironing their cloths. Blend was gone when we all got up and didn’t arrive home until after 10:30. He had been told of the function they were to host for the day but had forgotten and inquired as to what was going on. I reminded him he had been told they had EM at their school for the day and he replied with apologies he had not remembered. He clearly thought or was attempting to imply “yet another thing he had not been included in” and when that failed to work he copped an attitude. Dealing with a sex addicted, bipolar,paranoid personality is liked dealing with a whacked out ADD/HDHD child. His tone set the mood and I knew it was going to prove to be torment without the girls in the house.
After the girls left I sat back down to complete the program I was watching. As soon as the door closed Blend was downstairs. He was hyper, walked around the house making as much noise as he could, knowing it would disturb my listening to the television. He talks out loud to himself a lot, in a disturbing mumbling tone. It’s unnerving to a point of sometimes scary. He went into the kitchen behind me and made noise with pots and pans which felt like it was to annoy me, but I simply turned the volume up completed the movie. All the while he’s jumping around the house, on his computer, singing (he can not carry a tune and that’s not sarcasm, or meanness, he really just can not). At one point he walked into the living room and wanted to argue but I was not up for it so I waived him away. He didn’t like that, called me a few names and told me my alienating him from the girls was going to come back to haunt me and I would go to hell. That’s the spiritual side of him talking (no joke). The hyper activity excelled after that, and whistling really loud and sporadically with no rhyme or tune, it was strange. I think he may have been drinking. He will buy himslef cheap booze and keep it up on his room supposedly to drown hi sorrows — self pity is more in tune.
Something was going on as he seemingly could not be still. He asked me if I could separate the cloths he would wash them. I needed to get back to my books and complete them for tax returns so I was thankful he offered. I went into my room to take a shower and dress. His behavior accelerated to a point that it became unnerving, so I ended up remaining in my room with the door locked for the remainder of the day. I was supposed to go visit with a cousin but it got canceled. I could not bear to deal with arguing and being subjected to his erratic personality this day so my election to seclude myself was the more comforting choice. It was after the girls got home that things were comforting yet unsettling at the same time.
I had been in my room from noon until 4:30, only coming out to eat lunch, which I actually played a Blend, made and took to my room. All the while Blend is singing, whistling, and turned the volume up on the living room television full blast. I could barely think and ended up turning my TV up loud so I could hear it — what a ridiculous way of living! The girls came home at 4:30. They threw themselves on my bed and hung close to me for the entire evening. We watched movies and laughed, cuddled and talked about everything and nothing…it was great fun. It was as though they knew what I had endured during the day. I took a break to make dinner and Blend was still at laundry on and off. The girls heard his whistling and commented on the unnerving strangeness of it. Thats is the only ting that was said.
The minute they got home he went up to his room and locked the door, only coming down to tend laundry. I know this because you can hear him lock it. This is exactly the behavior the girls complained about in his family meeting and it was as though he was exaggerating it. Why would a mature adult do that to his own children. It was like he was saying, “you wanna complain about me locking myself up in my room, I’ll show you what locking myself up in my room is really like”. I knocked on his door when dinner was ready and he didn’t come down immediately. He waited a bit. We were all at the table and he came into the kitchen 3 times and left, never making his plate. The first time telling me not to make his, he would do it himself. We sat at the table a long time, talking, laughing and just hanging together. It felt good, as though they had this natural instinct to be near me. They seemed to be nurturing me for a change, and after my day, it was nice to know they had that instinct. Blend never came and sat with us nor ate with us….the very ting he had complained about, he was not doing himself. I left everything on the stove and he later ate alone. The girls ran in and jumped right back on my bed where we hung out for the remainder of the evening, watched TV, played on the laptops, laughed and enjoyed one another’s company.
I went to sleep realizing with great comfort… my girls have intuition, and that’s a good thing 🙂 !!
Let’s see how things change!
Yesterday Blend decided to announce a family meeting. It occurred to me as I write this, there isn’t a family in this house and that became quite apparent in the conversation.
I should explain first that Blend does not blend. That’s the purpose of the name (which obviously is not his birth given name). This guy no more blends in than water does with oil. Therefore let me say that over time he has developed a pattern of seclusion from the rest of us. His behavior is such that he does not want to be around us nor we him, by his own design. Although he would not agree nor realize, this pattern has been developing for many years. It began to be exceptionally noticeable about 12-13 years ago. Blend failed to show up at a family dinner party in our own home. He was over 6 hours late. His mother, grandmother and the mother’s companion were visiting from the East, as well as local close friends and family attended. It was quite embarrassing.
Gradually over the years it has become more and more noticeable that Blend is not comfortable in large group situations, regardless of the relationships or not. He thinks others are talking about him, or ignoring him on purpose, etc.; you get the picture. It’s the paranoid Bipolar behavior. Now he lives upstairs in a bedroom dispatched from the rest of the house. He spends the majority of his time there. He takes his phone calls, texting, meals and etc. there. He rents movies and does not share, he rarely if ever helps cleaning any other part of the house, having the attitude that that room is his only responsibility. He empties garbage form the kitchen and mows the lawn.
So, back to the story — the girls have turned 18 and one decided she wants to get a small tattoo on her foot, dedicated to her deceased brother. She came to me and we discussed it. At 18 there is nothing I can do to prevent it, so therefore felt this was good, I could help with the design and keeping it dignified. She knocked on her Dad’s door (it was locked so she could not call up the stairwell for him) to let him know we were going out but he did not answer. We left and shopped for the right place to perform the tattooing, worked on the small 3.5″ script to go along the side of her foot, and planned to leave by 11:30 yesterday morning. Yesterday morning we three girls got dressed and while preparing for the appointment Blend asked what we were doing. I told him (because I typically do not lie) the truth. He didn’t freak about the tattoo but rather that HE was left out (also typical) of the loop. I asked if he wanted to go and his response was “why, it wasn’t planned for me to go to start with”, and he proceeded to gallop around the house mumbling — my response, “this behavior is exactly why you weren’t invited” (more often than not he makes things very uncomfortable). Among his gallops he pops in our rooms and tells us he wants a family meeting before we go.
The girls are good hearted people and do not like to hurt peoples feelings deliberately. However, when backed against the wall be prepared for honesty, regardless.
Blend told us: I apologize for how this family is. Your mom and I not getting along and the situation we have created. I am very upset how everyone treats me. I am treated like and outsider and I don’t like it. I am never included or consulted for anything (this is the man that has rented 3 moves in a two day period and not shared the fact he even has them and took them back without offering for anyone else to watch them and the rest of us are downstairs watching a regular TV program or running errands getting groceries etc.) The girls chimed right in; telling him how he spends all his time upstairs avoiding everyone, he locks his door while up there and doesn’t answer if they knock, and they refuse to text or call their parent on the phone while he is in the same house!! (he loves texting us crap while in the same house…very annoying) After they got done he threw his hands up and said, well you know how I fell so lets see if things change. I said, well exactly what does that mean, things change how? You, us or both? I honestly can not remember what he said in reply. Because I can tell you, he wants us to baby him, go out of our way to GET him, WE have to work to INCLUDE him. How do I know this? He spent most of the rest of the day and last night in that room upstairs.
At one point he came down and asked the girls if they had seen a movie (I knew form the debits he had checked out a bunch of movies over a=the past two days). He never offered up a movie to them thought. I chimed in — you have been watching a bunch of movies the past few days, what are they? His only reply was that he had returned them already. So the girls and I settled on the sofas late yesterday afternoon to watch TV (nothing else to do) and he pops down and asks if we want to watch a movie he has, so we did. As soon as it was over he went back upstairs.
As I type this and even read it — it all sounds petty. In a sense it is. But, you have to understand this is a daily thing. There is always drama with him. He has two family members: his Mom and one brother, and one “what you can call” a friend, in the world. He has succeeded in alienating everyone who crosses his path (except his female chat, text and hook-up playmates, but that’s another story). He has his mom, one brother (out of 3) and one friend in another state (who has not seen him more often than once every 6 months, if that, while living close, and otherwise only talks occasionally and texts one another). The way he alienates them is by behavior. Sometimes not even seen by them but displayed at home and he cuts them off with no explanation to them. Then others, like neighbors, my family and friends he displays his butt to the point, they stay away. Most of which I and the girls remain in touch and friends with, but we never do anything together with them, with him included.
Blend has a constant need for acceptance, inclusion, and want. He expects it to be displayed to him, but had no idea how to show them himself. Over the years at the girls school functions he would come home and complain about every father there and some mothers. This one would not even look at me, that one never shakes my hand, this one talks down to me, he ignores me, he walks right past me, she has her nose in the air, she always looks funny at me, she’s a snob, they were talking about me. Maybe they were or are, but most people don’t take it personally. Blend takes everything to mean it strictly about him. It’s exhausting! It’s frustrating and it’s sad because 25 years of hearing this about, his family, people he grew up with, his home town, his co-workers, bosses, my family, neighbors, and not being able to convince him to get help — has fried me and many around him. I give up. It’s too hard to continue to live with someone who 1) is negative about everything, 2) NEEDS so much attention dedicated to him.
I sit here and laugh as I get up and continue with my day . . . from the mouth of Blend “let’s see how things change”.
He’s Got One Hooked….EXCITING!
Hey ladies and followers…..Cher has fallen his victim. I can tell by her communications with him that she is the nurturing type. She thinks she can change him…poor Cher…lucky Blend, and YAHOO, Praise the Lord for me!!! I am thankful!
God willing he has finally found someone to take him off my hands and out of my life…could it be that my Lord is answering my prayers in 2012. Could Cher be my angel instead of Blend’s? I think perhaps this is the case. This year could be off to a good start, I am very hopeful!
I have asked her to call me, but I doubt she will have the courage, although I do not bite. (Most women who fool around with married men are afraid of the wives. The boyfriend/husband usually paints a bad picture of the wife. Liars and cheaters do that, especially typical of a sex addict.) I simply need her help…please Cher, continue to nurture, praise and give him what he wants. Convince him to stop hurting me and leave me alone. This way he will get off my back. I have replaced the bolt lock on my bedroom door 4 times in as many months; maybe finally now, he will leave it alone. My bruises are healing from the last fiscal encounter with him and now perhaps I have entered into a New Year without hostility….via the assistance of my angel, whether she knows it or not.
I wish Cher would call me . . . I think she would be quite surprised. In any case Cher….I am so sorry for you that you have chosen NOT to heed my advice and warnings, but on the other hand, I thank you so much for stepping up to the plate to take this FREAK out of my life. God bless you….and Thank You Lord!
Update” Cher called. She was very nice and definitely the nurturing, mothering type. I can see why he likes to talk to her in his condition. It can get annoying talking (listening) to someone who is overly spiritual (she doesn’t like to call herself religious) unless you have a need for being nurtured in any respect. Blend like nurturing. He likes the conversations to be about him or about lifting his spirits. Talking with Cher could do that for his type. Even thought she has now heard some of the things I am going through with him, I predicted to a friends that she would continue to talk with him. As of the very next day, I was right.
Where did I go? 