Sex Addicts Do Not Have Scruples
It has not taken long and Blend is trying to blend back in. He actually text some of his past attempts (women) a New Year message. Women who walked away. I wonder if apparently intelligent women like Florence will reply? She especially stood out to me. Florence appeared educated and dignified, way beyond his league. I would be very surprised. Seemingly naive Cher has fallen back into his trap. She is pretty and young for him, young an inexperienced enough to be a victim. He quickly started asking for photos again but finally it has alerted her. She told him she feels funny about the photo request…and so she should.
Sex addicts work in very similar ways, but let me tell you some of the patterns of this one. Hopefully these will help you to keep from becoming his (or someone like him) victim.
1) Sweet talks: sugar, baby. cutie, etc. He figures out quickly what you like and do not like in that sense. Unfortunately more women like being cooed at than not. The female is naturally week in those ways, he knows this and will constantly pay you compliments and most likely mean few of them at heart, if any, of them. It’s part of his manipulation process. He has NO respect for women in reality. It’s his method of getting you in the position he needs — for his needs.
2) He will often ask what you are wearing, this is a leader for him and men like him.
3) He likes to get you into a nurturing mode with him, he likes being cooed over and babied.
4) While a dignified, hard working man can not be bothered with constant middle of the work day texting, messaging etc — this one thrives on it (as a sex addict often does). He has almost an insane NEED for it. He needs the attention. Sex addicts have low self-esteem and need an unusual amount of affirmation. They form clever ways of getting it without your realizing you are doing so. In his hay-day moments he has as many as six women he is texting and messaging at one time. He is careful not to address you by name so he can easily cut and pasted to keep up with the conversations. All conversations go the same way until one of the women weakens and responds to his needs. Then he will drop the other conversations and focus on the one to get out of her what turns him on at the given moment. It can be as simple as words, photos or full on sex talk.
5) He will asked for photos even though you have sent them before. His goal is to loosen you up over time, whether it’s minute, days or months, the goal is to get explicit photos from you from a simple smile with cleavage, to full on nude, and yah for him if he got you to send raw shots. Remember…for him it’s the thrill of the chase. The more you will give, the more he will chase, until you start getting too serious. It’s one thing to share photos back and forth with a lover. It can be fun and thrilling, but you will see and know when it starts to make you feel uneasy…if you are smart, pay attention and don;t fall his victim.
6) The word love comes easy for him. He will use it if he needs to but really has no idea what it means. He has no respect for the word and throws it lightly.
7) He likes to tell you his woes, and inner most secrets. He has told MANY women “I have shared with you things I have told no one else”, “I feel so comfortable with you, I don’t know why, but I talk to you so easily”, and many phrases to that sense.
8) He lies! Especially about his home life, his wife and yes even his children. A sex addict tells you what he thinks you want to hear. A respectful woman would not want any degree of a personal relationship with a married man, regardless…yet he convinces them! There are too many men out there ladies, that don’t have the mental and addictive baggage this one does. He lies about his job and his income. He was the catalyst in our losing both our homes, cars, boat, motorcycle and dignity…which may explain why he won’t leave my home. He can not afford to. He is not nor ever has been an entrepreneur as he claims in some bios, he is no longer a realtor, and he holds a low paying, mediocre job where his employer believes him to be bipolar. If only they knew the real intensity of his condition!
9) Blend may not have the wealth these guys do but, look up sex addiction and read about Tiger Woods, Jessie James, Anthony Weiner and other known sex addicts. They lie, cheat and lose regardless of social standing . . . they do not have scruples.
Scruple – a doubt or hesitation that troubles the conscience or that comes from the difficulty of determining whether something is right.
Okay perhaps only half a Scruple is a good category and use for people like this. He does not have any sort of a conscience, but definitely can not determine what is right. Right to a sex addict is only what gives them a constant rise.
This is the year he is going, going, GONE! Out of my life forever. The youngest of my children leave for college this summer and I will have no need to ever so much as see or hear him breath again. Hallelujah!
Will he or someone like him be your burden? Be strong, love yourself and run, run, run!
Happy New Year!
Some New Beginnings….not for others
It’s the second day of the New Year and Blend is as miserable as ever. He bought a bottle of champagne to bring in the New Year, we thought for the family to have a toast, but indeed it was all for himself. And during the day on January 1, he was actually insulted because he got left out on a salad the girls made for lunch. No one had seen him all morning. He hibernates upstairs in a bedroom off from the rest of the house. It’s weird but at the same time we like it because when he is around it’s uncomfortable. He has distanced himself from the three of us for so long (8 years or better) that having him around he’s as uncomfortable as we are. It’s sad really. Sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for him, until he shows his ass yet again, then one realizes quickly, why this man has not but a single friend in the world…and that’s only because that friend has never been around him on a daily basis to really experience what this one is all about….misery.
Misery — wow, that just struck me — “misery loves company”. There you go in a nut shell. That partially explains why Blend desperately seeks women, hoards of them, anyone, everyone. Because misery loves company! I feel sorry for those women who fall his victims.
So here we are in a year of many changes. Good, rewarding, exciting and some sad. The sad ones are for him mostly. The exciting, rewarding etc. are for the girls and me! Graduation, off to college, divorce and moving back to where my roots are. He has no idea where he will go or what he will do, here we are back at 3 years ago. Hey — didn’t we do this before? Yes indeed. BUT, and I say but strongly, this time we are all going through with it. His coming here and refusing to continue the sex addiction therapy has had a huge affect on not only him, because he doesn’t stop hunting (and never will), but if I have not learned by now, then I am equally sick as he. YES friends, I have learned. It is now to the point that he makes me completely sick. He is no longer attractive in any manner by any stretch of the means. He wanted me to give him another chance, but more of what he succeeded in is making me realize I have wasted so much on him, and he has never been worth it.
That brings me back to a time when we had been out west for a few years when friends (a couple) we were close to while living in the NE came to visit. I felt so honored to have them stop through and spend a night with us. Two days and a night of visiting, sharing and laughing with them was great. Blend was gone at times and when around he was a little embittered. He was pissed that they were spending such a short time with us. They had family nearby in another western state they had not seen for quite some time. Not to mention this was their first trip to see the southwest and they were understandably (for normal people anyway) trying to take advantage of of every stretch of the journey. I was thrilled they included us in the adventure and Blend was annoyed they weren’t giving enough to us. I was so embarrassed at Blends behavior, yet AGAIN! This couple grew up with Blend. The man, Arthur had been in Blend’s neighborhood as a kid. Deeva and I hit it off great with our artsy backgrounds and love of old things and organic living. Upon departure Arthur saw an opportunity to speak with me privately. He is a tall, strapping man. Quiet, philosophical and charming. Arthur hugged me good bye and I have never forgotten his gentle, smooth voice as he held my shoulders in his large hands, “I have no idea how you live with him, he’s ridiculous and you deserve a medal; you deserve better”. Words often said in jest, but from Arthur, the look on his face, wisdom, concern, compassion — he meant it from his deepest inner feelings…and I understood that!
As I stood outside waving goodbye with sadness seeing them go and I knowing that would be the last time I would ever see Arthur and Deeva again. They never want to visit Blend after experiencing his poor hosting. I remain in contact with them throughout the years and someday I hope to tour the NE with the girls and this is one incredibly delightful couple I will not miss and would like for my daughters to meet.
So as Blend walked around the house on the first day of the new year mumbling and having mood swings throughout the day, feeling like no one respects him (and most likely he is correct), all I can feel is a sense of relief. The final count down….to freedom. May God be with us all.
Where did I go? 