Signals of Deceit

When your family is home and you are headed out on errands or whatever — if your household partner repeatedly suggests or practically forces you to take the others in the house with you….suspect something is up!!! And be aware they can often be gentle and only suggestive.

I can always tell when Blend wants to be home alone. This has historically been when he wants to get on the computer, phone and self gratify. Of course it’s not entirely self, it’s through photos, conversations, chats, etc.

This weekend on more than one occasion when I have errands to run or when headed out to do my neighborhood power walk he suggests I take the girls with me. Throughout the years this has been more obvious than others. Back before cell phones it was considerably more obvious and consistent.

I’ve always had a home office so therefore in the past years I had more than one telephone line coming into my office. One dedicated simply for faxing. Before the fax line I could leave the house go to a pay phone and call home and our line would always be busy. Blend otherwise rarely was on the phone. The calls would always be blocked or made on a calling card so there was no way I could figure, at that time, to see what the calls were (eventually I did figure a way). On phones that show the previous calls, he took care to delete them. These were in the days you paid extra to have a detailed phone bill, which in normal circumstances I had not thought to get.

At some point I spoke to one of the women he was calling and she told me the number he had given her to call him on. It was my fax line. He would unplug the fax machine, plug a phone in and for whatever reason (his strange reasoning of this is that he could not be detected) he would have the women call him. Once his mission was completed, and before I came home, he would switch everything back. I learned by this to check my fax line. It was always busy when I was gone. No need to ask him why when I returned, he would deny being on it.

It’s difficult to understand why cheaters go through all this when (such in our case) they simply need to agree to a divorce and they would be free to do it 24/7, freely and at will. But what you have to realize, this kind of cheater who goes to these extremes simply to “get off”, is a sick individual. They will NEVER leave you because YOU are the normal in their lives. YOU are what makes them feel like they are okay and leading a normal life.

The next time you say I am going to run errands…does your spouse say:
“Take Jane if you want company”
“John may want to go”
“Did you ask the kids if they want to go”
“You are taking the kids right”
“Well I am going to be busy, so take the kids”
“I have a headache (or not feeling well) take the kids with you”
or any degree of encouraging company,
STOP and think if this happens often. Start paying attention each time you want or try to leave alone.

This behavior is twofold:
1) they are up to something and need privacy
2) they don’t trust you out alone, because a cheater thinks you will cheat also, and a cheater wants to cheat, but is jealous, and does not want you to be given any opportunity to do what he does.