Signals of Deceit

When a Partner Pushes You to Take Everyone With You: A Subtle Sign Something May Be Wrong

 

When you say you’re running errands or heading out for a walk, does your partner repeatedly suggest you take everyone in the house with you? At first, it can sound thoughtful or harmless. A simple suggestion: “Take the kids so they can get out of the house.” Or “Maybe Jane wants to go with you.”

But when it happens over and over again, it may not be about helping you. Sometimes it’s about making sure the house is empty. Over time, I learned to pay attention to this pattern.

When Someone Wants the House for Themselves

I could usually tell when Blend wanted the house completely to himself. Those were often the times he wanted privacy to get on the computer or phone and interact with other women through photos, conversations, chats, or whatever outlet he had at the time.

This past weekend, it happened again. More than once, when I mentioned running errands or going out for my neighborhood power walk, he suggested I take the girls with me. Through the years, sometimes the behavior was subtle and sometimes obvious. But it was always there. Before cell phones became common, the pattern was even easier to spot.

The Phone Line Clue

I have always had a home office. Years ago, that meant multiple phone lines—one of them dedicated to a fax machine. Before that second line existed, I would occasionally leave the house, stop at a pay phone, and call home. Strangely, the line was often busy, even though Blend rarely used the phone. The calls were always blocked or placed through calling cards, so there was no obvious record of them. At the time, detailed phone billing cost extra, and it wasn’t something I had thought to request.

Later, I learned the truth.

Eventually, I spoke with one of the women he had been calling. She told me the number he had given her to reach him. It was my fax line. He would unplug the fax machine, plug in a phone, and have the woman call him there. In his mind, this made the activity harder to detect. Before I returned home, he would simply reconnect the fax machine.

After learning this, I started checking the fax line whenever I left the house. If it was busy, I already knew why. There was no reason to ask him. The answer would always be denial.

Why Some Cheaters Never Leave

It can be difficult to understand why someone would go through this much effort just to hide cheating or sexual conversations. In many situations, the answer seems simple: they could ask for a divorce and live however they want.

But many people who live double lives do not want to leave their primary relationship. The stable partner represents normalcy. That relationship allows them to maintain the appearance of a conventional life.

In many ways, the faithful partner becomes the anchor that lets them continue their behavior while still appearing “normal” to the outside world.

Subtle Phrases to Pay Attention To

If you mention leaving the house, notice whether your partner frequently responds with suggestions like:

• “Take Jane if you want company.”

• “John might want to go.”

• “Did you ask the kids if they want to go?”

• “You’re taking the kids, right?”

• “I’m going to be busy, so take them with you.”

• “I’m not feeling well—take the kids.”

Individually, these comments can seem harmless. But when the pattern repeats again and again, it may be worth paying attention.

Ask yourself: Does my partner seem unusually invested in making sure I never leave the house alone?

The Two Motivations Behind This Behavior

In my experience, this behavior often has two underlying motivations.

First, they may be planning something that requires privacy—phone calls, online conversations, or other secret activity.

Second, many cheaters are deeply suspicious of their partners. Because they are capable of betrayal, they assume you may be as well. Ironically, the same person who wants the freedom to cheat may also try to limit your independence out of jealousy or fear.

When these patterns repeat, it’s worth paying attention.

Sometimes the smallest behaviors reveal the biggest truths.

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 With awareness and strength,
Liza Seamone
Recovering Survivor / Author