Navigating the Challenges of Sex Addiction in Families

On October 18, 2012, I received an email from my X, upset over my blog. His message threatened to send the four people he loves most to view it. His mother, two daughters, and I have no idea who the fourth is. I am sure what Blend wanted was for me to pull the site down altogether, but thankfully, I made a different choice and put passwords on the articles and took time to think.

If directing his children, or anyone else, is what he deems necessary, then that is his choice—but I will NEVER take this site down. This site is not about him. Another trait of a sex addict—it’s always all about them. Such as: The two people over in the corner whispering…it’s about him, or When entering the parent meeting, if the other dads don’t speak to him, they don’t like him. — Never a thought that Dad could be having an off day…and whatever happened to you speaking first? — doubtful just because the couple whispering looked up that they were looking at or talking about you.

Someday, our daughters will be fully aware of the liar and cheater that Blend is. This site or anything I could say will not make a difference. He started laying out that lesson years ago. They are smart young ladies and figure it out over time. He does and acts out enough—they are well aware of who and what he is. That will never take away from the fact that he is their dad. I would not expect nor wish for them to turn their backs on him for his illness. As I repeat this many times, sex addiction is an illness. Those afflicted with it should be looked upon as any other addict. With sorrow, understanding it’s an illness, and compassion for the lack of dignity and strength a sex addict has. They cannot help him, I could not help him, and no one can help him. An addict will never recover until they admit, face, and take action to recover. Things Blend has never been able to do.

As far as his mother reading this—she should. Even then, the apple does not fall far from the tree. He is like her. She has aided and abetted his illness for many years. When I went to her with his illness, she chose to turn her back on me. In essence, she turned her back on him as well. He will never stop what he does. He may alter the pattern, but until he gets professional help, he will continue.

And Mom—if your son, daughter, son-in-law, or daughter-in-law has sent you here to read this blog because they are concerned about a family member. I implore you to read with great intent. Feel the words, understand, and realize the pain. Help them to get the help for the individual they are concerned for….it cannot be done alone, and it will not go away by miracle on its own.