Looking Back . . . I should have known

Navigating the intricacies of our relationship, I often ponder whether our twelve-year age gap merely served as a minor obstacle or played a more profound role, especially considering Blend’s circumstances and struggles with addiction. Reflecting on our wedding day, a remark made by the minister—“from his mother’s apron strings to his new wife’s”—resonates deeply, encapsulating a reality that would unfold in the years to come.

Blend’s upbringing, characterized by his mother’s routine of leaving him alone in the evenings, paints a poignant picture of his early independence. While this arrangement may have raised eyebrows during his teenage years, it offered him a sense of autonomy as a young adult. By the time we embarked on our relationship, Blend had grown accustomed to the solitude of his own space each evening.

As our bond deepened and I spent occasional nights at Blend’s place (actually his mother’s abandoned home), I stumbled upon a moment that would leave an indelible mark on my psyche. A routine trip back to retrieve a forgotten item led me to witness a private act in progress—one that, while natural, felt jarring in its timing and setting. It stirred feelings of inadequacy and confusion, prompting me to question the dynamics of our relationship and my role within it.

In hindsight, I came to realize that this incident was not a reflection of my worth or our connection, but rather a manifestation of Blend’s addiction—a force that exerted its influence over our lives in ways both seen and unseen.

Indeed, our relationship defied conventional norms, casting me unwittingly into a maternal role I neither sought nor desired. Most women aspire to a partnership built on mutual respect and reliability, yet ours was marked by complexities and uncertainties.

Join me as we unravel the layers of our journey, delving into the complexities of addiction, relationships, and the delicate dance of self-discovery amidst the chaos of it all.